Tuesday, August 17, 2004

August 17th I awoke early that morning with a feeling that something was just not right. I hadn't felt the baby really kick since Saturday night, and now it was Tuesday. I felt something on Sunday, like Lucas was stretching or something, but wasn't sure. Monday there was very minimal movement. So Tuesday morning we called the doctors office, and they told us to go straight to the hospital. Once at the hospital (around 915am) the nurses at the Birth Place were unable to find a heartbeat. The doctor called in an ultrasound machine, and after what seemed like forever, the doctor told us that our baby was dead. Of course, a high powered ultrasound machine and tech were brought in and they confirmed that although the heart was beating barely, the baby had passed away. Lucas had severe swelling around his heart, brain and stomach. We were given the choice to have an emergency c-section or give birth naturally. Our choice was to go naturally because even Ed and I could tell that the swelling was bad enough that Lucas would only suffer on machines if they did in fact try and save him. The doctor checked my cervix and I was already 2 cm dilated and I was having contractions on my own. My body was already trying to push the baby out. Once the nurse confirmed I was having contractions, I realized that I had been having them since Sunday night. They started me on pitocin around 1pm, and at 12:26am on August 18th, Edward Lucas Redmond was born a stillbirth. It was then that we and the doctor realized that Lucas had a cleft lip and palate. After an autopsy, the reasons for Lucas' death is still a mystery, although not all the tests have come back. So we sit and wait for any reason why our baby left us so early...Ed and I are searching for answers but also searching for peace. You never realize how painful losing a loved one is, but losing a child at 7 months is so heart-wrenching...there are just no words to describe the pain.