August 1st, 2009

Oh the bittersweet smell of August...I love August, but isn't it also ironic, that it is my worst month as well...how does that work? We celebrated Ed's birthday last weekend, since Bodie's birthday party was today, on Ed's birthday. Then there is Bodie's birthday...his party is done, but it wasn't without drama. The pool area that we had reserved was under major construction, and the complex hadn't even let us know. Thankfully we found out about it, and we were able to have the party at the big pool. The party went fairly smoothly and Bodie had a blast with his friends and family. Tuesday is B's actual birthday and so we will do something special that day as well. I am planning on bringing cupcakes to his class, so he will enjoy that. He did tell me that he wanted a Limo to come and get him...Uhm, NO. Then after that, we have the fifth anniversary of Lucas's passing. Five years...it is here, and at some points can't believe it has been five years...feels like just yesterday, and at other times, it seems surreal and forever ago. I am hoping that we can do something special that day. Maybe Ed and I can go and see the tree in Placerville and take some updated pictures. It has been at least a year, if not two, since we saw it. I bet it has grown so much and providing shade to women in need. That brings me great satisfaction knowing that Lucas' tree is there, with his name at the base. Which reminds me, I guess I should call and see if we can come up and see it. I wonder if we can see it from the street by now? hhmm, doubt it. It was pretty scrawny the last time we were there. I look forward to the time when I can drive through town and see it towering up over the building.
Well, this week started my somewhat unexplainable moodiness, withdrawal from people, and overall depression. I am sure by the end of August, these feelings will fade, as they often do. Maybe this will be the first year that I won't have to make a visit to the therapist. I can do this, it just takes time. But Ed and I have a lot on our plates over the next 6 months, and lots of plans that we have to make decisions on and set in motion. So for now, I just need to hang in there and live by what I know is right. I will never get over Lucas, just learn new ways to live with it.
Oh yes, August....bring it on!