5th Anniversary

No hoopla, no special plans, no nothing. I was expecting just to get up and go to work as it was any other day. Unfortunately someone had other plans....I just couldn't get it together. From this year forward, I think I just need to set this day aside and do something special and take the time.
This year is the fifth anniversary of Lucas' passing, and it hit hard. Tears kept coming, and thoughts of him and that whole experience kept flowing through my head. Ed and I had a long talk about Lucas this morning. Although I would like to think that Lucas would have been starting Kindergarten this year, I know the truth of the matter is that he probably wouldn't have been. We will never know the issues he would have had. He had physical issues to overcome, but the other issues we will never know.
I know he is in a better place and he was too pure to walk on this earth. I know that it is just my selfishness that I wish he was here, with us! It doesn't make the loss any less real or hurt any less. A part of my heart has died and I always feel it so much more on this day than any other day of the year.
I miss you, Lucas and your mommy loves you very much! Always and Forever....

Sunny days seem to hurt the most, I wear the pain like a heavy coat. I feel you everywhere I go. I see your smile, I see your face. I hear you laughin' in the rain. I still can't believe you're gone.
It ain't fair, you died too young. Like the story that had just begun, but death tore the pages all away. God knows how much I miss you, all the hell that I've been through, Just knowin' no-one could take your place. And sometimes I wonder...Who'd you be today?
Would you see the world? Would you chase your dreams? Settle down with a family, I wonder what would you name your babies? Some days the sky's so blue, I feel like I can talk to you and I know it might sound crazy.
Sunny days seem to hurt the most. I wear the pain like a heavy coat. The only thing that gives me hope, is I know I'll see you again some day!